The Changed One
by MegTDJ
Summary: Tag scene for The Defiant One; Rodney's guilt and regret lead him to Elizabeth's door. Sequel to The Wake. McKayWeir


Title: The Changed One  
Author: MegTDJ  
Category: Missing/tag scene; romance  
Rating: PG  
Pairing: McKay/Weir  
Spoilers: Home, The Storm, The Eye, The Defiant One  
Summary: Tag scene for The Defiant One; Rodney's guilt and regret lead him to Elizabeth's door. Sequel to The Wake.  
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis, its universe and its characters are not mine. The story itself is, however, so please don't archive without my permission.

Author's notes: Rodney and Elizabeth may not have been in many scenes together in The Defiant One, but I still picked up on quite a bit of ship between them. I was hit with inspiration for this little sequel as soon as I saw the episode, and I thought it worked rather well for my little McWeir snuggle-verse. ;)  
I've gotta tell you, though - I'm growing more and more in love with that man with every episode. You're lucky I'm shipping him with Weir and not a Mary Sue. cough ;)  


xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

**The Changed One**

Rodney paced back and forth in the hallway outside his quarters, not sure what to do or where to go. Well, that wasn't exactly true - he knew exactly what he _wanted_ to do and where he _wanted_ to go, he just wasn't sure whether he had a right to or not.

It was late, and he should have been fast asleep hours ago, but every time he closed his eyes he saw Brendan's face. Or rather, the lack thereof. God, he still couldn't believe he'd just shot himself like that. The memory of it was making him sick.

He swung his arms as he paced, trying to work off as much energy as he could in order to tire himself out, but it didn't seem to be working. He just couldn't stop thinking about the events of the day, and that made it impossible for him to stay still long enough to fall asleep even if he could.

Another thing he couldn't seem to get off his mind was what had happened the last time he'd had a day as stressful as this one had been. The night after the Storm To End All Storms, Elizabeth had come to his quarters. He'd pretty much declared his feelings for her then and there, and she'd pretty much told him the feeling was mutual. Then they'd held and comforted each other all night long, something he couldn't recall ever doing before with another woman in his entire life. It was the nicest experience he'd had in a very long time, but since then, they'd gone back to being professional - co-workers, friends, and nothing more. He'd started to think maybe he'd just dreamt the whole thing.

Until today. He'd seen her face as he'd returned to Atlantis safe and well. Major Sheppard had come back injured, and she'd paid most of her attention to him at first, but once he'd been whisked off to the infirmary, she had turned her beautiful eyes onto Rodney. "Are you injured?" she'd asked, laying her hand on his arm.

"No, no, I'm fine," he'd answered.

"Thank God," she'd breathed, reaching up to stroke the hair on the back of his head for one brief, wonderful moment. She'd looked at him with such relief in her eyes that he'd almost expected her to kiss him or at least hug him or something. But then she'd walked away.

He wished he knew for sure where he stood with her. Should he go to her now like she had come to him that night? Could he really be so presumptuous to invade her privacy like that? What if he made her feel uncomfortable? What if he pushed his limits too far and lost her friendship as well as the hope of something more? What if she really didn't feel the same for him as he felt for her, and she came right out and told him so?

Even with all of his doubts and uncertainties, he just couldn't shake the feeling that he _needed_ her. He knew he'd never feel better until he had at least talked to her. As much as he hated to admit that she had that much of a hold on him, he was helpless to fight it. He'd never needed anyone as much as he needed her.

Rodney stopped mid-thought and stared in astonishment at the door in front of him. Without even meaning to, somehow while he'd been lost in thought he'd made his way to Elizabeth's quarters. He smiled and shook his head. "I guess I should take that as a sign," he muttered. Before he had a chance to change his mind, he raised his hand and knocked on the door.

A very sleepy, "Come in," greeted him a second later, so he opened the door and gingerly stepped inside.

Elizabeth was just turning on her light, and she blinked and squinted in his general direction until she finally saw who it was standing in her doorway. "Rodney," she croaked. "Has something happened?"

As much as he wanted to answer her question, for a few seconds he found he could only stare at her. Her hair was all mussed from sleep, and she was wearing a tank top that hugged her figure nicely and showed off her lovely arms and shoulders and neck... God, she was beautiful. "I... I, uh... no, nothing happened," he stammered. "That is... nothing's wrong, I just... I wanted to, um..."

She looked up at him in confusion as he tried to say something coherent, but then understanding dawned on her face. "Got something on your mind, huh?"

Rodney looked away from her, wanting to deny it, but then he nodded.

"Is this about what happened today?"

He nodded again, raising his eyes to look at her as he awaited her reaction.

To his relief, her expression turned soft and sympathetic, and she turned back the covers and moved over to the far side of the bed. "Hop in," she invited.

He moved slowly over to the bed and slipped between the sheets, trying to ignore his racing heart and rapidly rising temperature. This had felt so easy when it was her who had come to him. Getting into her bed, though... it was like entering a temple's Holy of Holies. _"Only the worthy may enter here,"_ that kind of thing. He certainly wasn't worthy - not even to stand in her presence, let alone get into her bed.

Once he was lying there with his head on her pillow, she wrapped her arm around him and laid her head on his chest. He suddenly realized in that moment what the term "the agony and the ecstasy" meant.

"I'm sorry about Brendan," she said after a minute of silence. "I know the two of you were good friends."

At those words, the agony took precedence over the ecstasy. He felt like he'd taken a knife to the heart. "Yeah," was all he could say.

She propped herself up on her elbow to look at his face. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Tears started to sting his eyes at the concern in her voice and on her face. He stroked the soft skin of her arm as he pondered this question. Was he okay? He just wasn't sure. "Can... can I tell you something... off the record?" he finally asked.

"Of course."

"I mean totally off the record as in 'it never leaves this room' kind of off the record."

"Yes, Rodney, I won't breathe a word of it. What is it?"

He let out a slow, deep breath as his hand moved up her shoulder to caress her neck. "He... he shot himself," he said, blurting it out before he could think twice about it.

Elizabeth's expression turned from shock to confusion to sympathy in mere seconds. "Rodney... why didn't you tell me this?" she asked.

"I didn't want it to go on permanent record," he said, a bitter taste forming in his mouth at the very thought. "He did it because I wouldn't leave him. Major Sheppard was in trouble, and I wouldn't leave him alone..."

"Don't you dare think it was your fault," she said firmly. "You did good today, Rodney. Better than good... you did what any highly trained officer would have done in your place. I was so proud of you when Major Sheppard told me what you'd done, and I know he was, too."

Rodney didn't interrupt her, but he shook his head at every word she said. "I know... I did what I knew had to be done, and even though I was a total amateur with that gun, I did at least buy some time before the cavalry could arrive. I know." He sighed heavily, and continued, "But Elizabeth... he killed himself because of me."

"Because you didn't want to leave him to die alone."

"Because I gave him the damn gun!" he shouted.

Elizabeth didn't seem fazed by his sudden outburst. "Did you give him the gun so that he would shoot himself?" she asked calmly.

"No, of course not."

"Then why did you give it to him?"

"So that he could defend himself if the Wraith came back."

"Then it wasn't your fault," she said, taking his chin in her hand and looking straight into his eyes. "You couldn't have known what he would do. You did everything right, Rodney. Grieve over the loss of your friend, but don't allow yourself to feel guilty for his death."

He felt the tears again as he saw the compassion in her eyes. He touched her face with his fingertips and smiled when the touch made her sigh. "How do you always know just what to say?" he asked.

She blinked, seeming unsure of what to make of this comment. Then she smiled softly and lowered herself to place a gentle kiss on his lips.

Rodney closed his eyes and laced his fingers through her hair, wanting to deepen the kiss but at the same time not wanting to push her to go further than she wanted to go. He let her call the shots, and was elated when she continued the contact for longer than he had expected.

When she finally pulled away from him again, Rodney was feeling better than he had felt in years. He couldn't believe the honour this woman had bestowed upon him. For so long, women had considered him a pig or a jerk, someone good for nothing more than a one night stand, if they could even stomach him for that long. Now here he was, marooned on the far side of the universe with the most wonderful creature God had ever created, and she was actually interested in him. Some part of him felt that he must still be in the fantasy world those misty aliens had created for him weeks earlier. How could something this wonderful be real?

"Wow," he said. "What did I do to deserve that?"

As if she was reading his thoughts, Elizabeth said, "You're a better man than you think you are, Rodney McKay. It's time you finally realized that. I don't know about anyone else, but I've seen how much you've grown over the last few weeks. You need to stop doubting yourself and start trusting in more than just your knowledge of science. Trust in who you are."

He gazed up at her in surprise for a moment. "Brendan... he said something similar," he murmured, stroking her cheek absently as the memory of their last minutes together returned to his mind. "He said I've changed, too... that the Rodney McKay he knew wouldn't have been so anxious to step into the fray to help Major Sheppard."

"He was right," Elizabeth agreed. "You have changed. You two must go back a long way, huh?"

There came the tears again. "Yeah, we both joined the Stargate program at around the same time," he said, his throat starting to constrict with emotion. "I was pretty... antisocial at the time, to say the least. I didn't realize then what an amazing thing I was going to be a part of."

Her sympathetic smile did it. When he saw that, he couldn't hold it back any longer. "It should have been me," he said, his tears finally breaking free and rolling down his cheeks.

"Shh," Elizabeth soothed, stroking his face and gently pulling him over to his side and resting his head in the crook of her neck.

When he felt her stroking his hair and kissing his forehead, his inhibitions all melted away. He let it all out, and cried like he hadn't cried since he was a little boy. He'd fought tears for almost all of his life, bottling his emotions deep inside and covering them over with biting sarcasm and a bad attitude. Somehow, though, Elizabeth managed to dig deep inside of him and draw them out again. He loved her for that. God, he loved her more than he'd thought it possible to love anyone.

Feeling safe and loved, he clung to her and cried out his grief and regret until he fell into an exhausted sleep. Even then, the feel of her arms around him followed him into his dreams, making them the sweetest he'd had in a very long time.

THE END


End file.
